"I'm fine." Are you sure?🤨

We often ask our loved ones how they are and get the automatic answer:

“I’m fine.”

Sometimes they genuinely are.

But sometimes those words can mean:

“I don’t want to worry you.”

“I’ll sort it out later.”

“I don’t want anyone fussing over me.”

And sometimes, you start to notice little changes.

Maybe they don’t talk as much as they used to. They seem a little more reserved than normal. They’ve stopped doing things they once enjoyed. Perhaps you’ve noticed changes around the home, or things that just don’t seem quite the same as they normally would.

Not every change means there is a problem. People have bad days. Circumstances change. We all have times when we’re quieter, less motivated or simply not ourselves.

The point isn’t to look for problems.

It’s about knowing someone well enough to notice when something feels different.

And simply say:

“I’ve noticed this. Is everything okay?”

And then listen.

This can be particularly difficult for families who live further away.

They may speak to their loved one regularly on the phone or FaceTime and still not see the small changes that happen day to day.

Sometimes family members are left with that nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right, without being able to put their finger on what it is.

“I don’t know what’s wrong. I just feel like something has changed.”

Having someone local who knows the person well can provide another perspective.

Not someone there to take over or make decisions for them, but someone who can notice, listen and understand what is normal for that person.

Someone who can say, “I’ve noticed this too,”. Someone who can share a concern, suggest a possible solution and, with the person’s agreement, help them work out how to make it happen.

Because supporting someone’s independence doesn’t mean never noticing that they might need a little help.

Noticing is one of the most helpful things we can do.